Flashback (A DNA ficlet)

FLASHBACK

July 17, 2012

The thump, thump, thump of the rotary blades drowned out whatever it was Ty had said. Nick smiled anyway hearing the copilot’s guffaw as Ty gave Nick a wink and a slow grin. By that look Nick knew that whatever joke Ty had cracked was probably at Nick’s expense, but Nick didn’t care, he could take it as well as he could give it. Besides, he was in a great fucking mood, a little nervous, but happy.

Their tour was over and they were on the first leg of several to get them home. Nick was sick to death of the desert landscape. Sick to death of the fucking sand. They all were. Nick used to love the beach. He wasn’t sure that’s how he’d be spending his summers anymore though. They had squeezed in to the Helo, an earlier ride than expected, because they were anxious to get away from it all.

The unmistakable nerve rattling whistle was their only warning before the explosion. The Helo rocked furiously before it started to spin and chaos ensued. Nick could hear the call of mayday, mayday as random supplies that weren’t strapped in started to rain down. There were only so many seatbelts, and he and Ty hadn’t been strapped in either. The bird tilted precariously and Nick started to slide towards the open door feet first. He scrambled to find anything to hold onto as he tried not to panic when a strong hand gripped his wrist, stopping his descent.

“Jesus Christ, O!” Ty exclaimed when Nick looked up into the hazel eyes of his rescuer. Ty had hooked an elbow around one of the bolted seat legs, “I’m getting real tired of saving your ass.” He gave a pull until Nick was able to grip onto the leg himself, “and you gotta stop eating so much.” It was a strange thing to say, given the situation, but Nick knew it was Ty’s way of trying to keep him calm. Ty wasn’t crazy, well maybe a little, but the banter was a way he and Nick dealt with stressful situations. Nick opened his mouth to reply that he could never say no to second helpings of cook’s meatloaf when the impact rocked his world before he blacked out.

Only he didn’t black out, or if he did it only lasted a second because he was suddenly on his stomach in that mother fucking sand.

 “Ty!” Nick yelled kicking his legs in an effort to crawl forward. He couldn’t move them, they were caught in something, or…fuck, hanging on by a thread, or…gone? Had he landed on an IED? Were they blown off before they’d even hit the ground? Why didn’t it hurt? He should be racked with pain. Because you’re probably in shock, you’ve seen it happen to other men. Running around with their arm blown off without a clue their limb was missing because they were too caught up in the adrenaline of the shit show that was going on around them. Fuck. Fuck! Nick scrambled on the ground with his hands, searching for his rifle. He couldn’t see either, he couldn’t fucking see. It was so dark. Too dark. Still, he could make out another flash of light, more explosions; something was raining down around him. Where the fuck was his M-16? Jesus Christ, his heart was pounding so fucking hard it felt like he couldn’t breathe. Don’t panic. You’re fucking Recon O’Flaherty, you were trained for this. You were trained to stay the fuck calm in these situations. He felt, rather than heard; someone approaching and he reached for his Kbar on his possibly missing thigh. No way he was being captured alive if he could help it. He’d fight with everything he could, legs or no, because he could only imagine what these animals would do to an American Marine.

“Nick.” He heard his name coming from a distance and he stopped searching for a moment to listen. He could barely hear over the pounding of his heart in his ears.

“Ty!?” Nick breathed,”Ty, my legs man…my fucking eyes. I can’t see…I can’t…are you ok?”

“Nick.” The voice was closer this time. It sounded sort of like Ty, but not Ty. Who…? Why couldn’t he fucking see?!

“Nick, you’re okay. Everything’s okay.” Calm. So fucking calm, and it soothed Nick for some reason. Was it a medic? But it wasn’t Kelly’s voice, perhaps time had passed faster than Nick realized, maybe he had lost consciousness and this was a rescue team. 

“I…I can’t see…” Nick sputtered, “My team?…My legs?...Staff Sergeant Grady? He wasn’t strapped in either…the impact…”

“It’s okay Nick, you're home, there’s no war, there’s no bombs.” Exquisite. That voice was exquisite and soothing and Nick latched onto it like a lifeline. “Your eyes are fine, your legs are fine, and all of your team are fine. Ty’s fine. You’re home Nicky, you're home. Can you hear me? Do you know who I am?” Deacon Nick’s mind sighed “It’s Deacon.” The voice confirmed.

Yes, yes Deacon of course. Nick would know that voice anywhere wouldn’t he? The man he loved and adored. His reason. His everything. How did he not recognize it earlier? But how did he…how was he here? Where was he? Home, Deacon had said, home.

“Deacon?” Nick’s voice came out in a harsh whisper.

“Yeah, Nicky, it’s me. It’s Deacon. Are you with me?” Worried. Deuce was worried. Nick could hear it in his voice although D was trying to conceal it.

“Yeah…” Nick swallowed. God his throat was so sore as if he’d been screaming. Had he been screaming? “I…I can’t see, D…I.”

There was another loud boom and Nick shivered.

“It’s ok, it’s just thunder.” Deuce reassured him, “Open your eyes Nicky. You can see, just open your eyes, baby.”

And just like that Nick realized he’d been squeezing his eyes shut and slowly opened them. He blinked a few times to clear his vision of the dessert landscape turned silver in the moonlight and focus on his surroundings. He was lying on a white shag carpet, not sand, he was surrounded by stylish couches and dark wood furniture, not trees and rock. He looked straight ahead at the little orange and white fur ball sitting under the end table staring back at him with frightened blue eyes. Winchester. Philadelphia. Deuce’s place. Home. Home, not because Nick actually lived here, but because the most important person in his life was here.

Nick tilted his head up a little and there he was; Deacon, crouched beside Nick looking so scared and desperate it nearly broke Nick’s heart. Fuck, it was Nick’s fault he looked that way. He licked his dry lips and slid his hands under his shoulders to push himself up, twisting to rest onto his hip. His legs were still tangled and he reluctantly looked down, still afraid of what he would or wouldn’t find there and was overwhelmed with relief to see the Phillies throw tangled around his limbs.

“Fuck,” he reached down to free his legs, but he was still shaking so badly it took him a moment to get the damn blanket off. When he finally did he half heartedly balled it up and threw it on the couch.

“Fuck,” he repeated as he scrubbed a clammy hand over his damp face then pulled his knees up to his chest. Jesus Christ he was shaking so fucking bad and his heart rate just wouldn’t slow down. He shivered as a trickle of sweat slid down the middle of his back.

He was dimly aware of Deuce sitting down beside him on the floor. “I’m going to touch you.” Deuce warned before Nick felt the soft press of D’s hand on his shoulder.

“Fuck, D, I’m sorry. I…didn’t mean to worry you…I’m fine, really…I…” but Nick was having a hard time catching his breath or gathering his thoughts to finish any sentences.

“Don’t’ apologize to me,” Deuce said tenderly, “And you’re not fine, but it‘s ok. You’re going to be ok. Come here…” He gave Nick’s shoulder a gentle tug and Nick went with it. He turned as he landed in Deuce’s lap, wrapping his arms around D’s middle and squeezing tight as he buried his face in his stomach. God he smelled incredible, Nick’s favorite scent in the whole fucking world. He smelled like home.

“You’re alright now, Nicky, I’ve got you. I’ve always got you…” Deuce rubbed Nick’s back in strokes and circles with one hand while running his fingers through Nick’s hair with the other, all the while murmuring reassurance and love. God, Deuce playing with Nick’s tresses was another one of Nick’s favorite things. It calmed him and centered him and always made him feel so at peace.

Nick wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that before he was able to release the death grip he had on Deuce and roll onto his back, lying his head on D’s thighs so he could look up at his man. Deuce looked down at him with a small smile, his long fingers still playing with Nick’s curls, his other hand resting on Nick’s stomach. God Deuce was spectacular, just fucking stunning, and Nick never wanted a day to go by when he couldn’t gaze upon that face. This man had become everything to Nick, his main reason to get up in the morning, the reason he wanted to be a better man. He was his lover, his friend, his fucking life line.

“God, I’m so in love with you, Deacon.” He said as he reached up to run the rough pads of his fingers down D’s cheek, “You’re like the sun to me…lighting up a very dark fucking place sometimes…warming the cold…” 

“There’s my sappy Nick I love, “D smiled softly down at him, before licking his lips nervously, “You wanna talk about it?”

Nick shook his head, “Not really…I mean there’s nothing to talk about. It’s over now, yeah? It was just a dream.” Lightning flashed through the large windows of Deuce’s condo followed by a menacing clap of thunder and Nick tensed despite his best efforts.

“It was a little more than a dream, Nicky.” Deuce said tenderly, as he brought up his hand from Nick’s stomach to smooth out the furrow between Nick’s brows with his finger tip. “Talk to me.”

Nick shook his head and tore his gaze from those mesmerizing hazel eyes. He wanted to sit up so he could get away from having this conversation but he didn’t have the strength just yet, besides being this wonderfully close to Deuce was the only thing keeping him grounded at the moment.

Nick felt a soft thump on his leg and he peered down to see Winchester sitting there. “Hey, buddy.” He said, and scratched the kitten’s head, thankful for the distraction.”Did I scare you?” Win closed his eyes and tilted his head into Nick’s attentive fingers. “I’m sorry.”

Nick looked back up at Deuce who was smiling apprehensively down at him, “Jesus baby, I’m gonna give the cat PTSD.”

“You’re gonna give me a fucking heart attack,” Deuce was using a teasing tone, but Nick knew he meant every word. “I come home from saving the youth of America to find a dark house and you screaming my brother’s name.”

“I’m sorry about that. I got bored with the TV and was thinking about getting the computer…”Nick shook his head, “Must have fallen asleep.”

“Maybe,” Deuce nodded, then flicked his eyes away from Nick’s for a moment before returning his gaze, “Or maybe the storm triggered a flashback. Had it started raining yet?”

Nick sighed as he gently dislodged Winchester and reluctantly pushed himself up. “It was just a bad dream, D. Not a big deal, ok. Let’s not make it one.”

“Nick…” Deuce started gently.

“I’m starving,” Nick cut him off as he forced himself to stand strong on shaky legs. “Did you bring home the Thai food?”

“Yeah, that was the plan,” Deuce answered, but Nick could hear the trepidation in D’s voice. “I got extra dumplings because I could see how much you hated to share last time.”

Nick looked over his shoulder on the way to the kitchen. Deuce was standing with his fists shoved into the front pockets of his jeans. D may have been teasing about the food but he couldn’t erase the worried look from his handsome face.

“I never mind sharing with you,” Nick said playfully back. “I was just hungry that day.”

He just wanted to have a normal fun night with D; they didn’t get to spend enough time together as it was. They had a full week together, one more night here than off to California, and he didn’t want to waste one second of it rehashing his dreams of something that had happened a long time ago. Something he’d rather forget. Those men were long dead, their bones part of the sand he had hated so much. His scars and bruises long since healed. His mind…well that was just taking entirely longer then it should. But it was getting better. He was getting better, and a huge part of that was because of the man standing in the kitchen emptying the bags of takeout beside him.

“You’re always fucking hungry, babe.” Deuce smirked when Nick looked at him and Nick’s heart caught in his throat. Jesus he loved D so fucking much. He’d do anything, anything, to make sure he was happy, that he was ok, even if Nick had to injure himself or die to do it. To be the cause of D’s worry or pain was fucking with him big time.

He set down the container of Chicken Satay and wrapped his arms around Deuce, resting his chin on D’s shoulder, “I’m fine, baby. I promise you. Let’s just enjoy our dinner before I ravage you.” He smiled against Deuce’s neck before placing a kiss there.

“Okay,” Deuce turned in his arms and set his hands on Nick’s hips. “I just love you, Nicky. I don’t want to see you suffer.”

“But I’m not suffering, D.” Nick assured him, “Far from it. Since we’ve been together I’ve slept better than I have in years. I could count on one hand how many fucked up dreams I’ve had. It’s not a big deal. I’m fine.”

Deuce sighed quietly as he looked down and worried his lip, “I really wish you’d talk to someone. That was more than a bad dream, Nicky. I couldn’t…” D’s voice caught and he cleared his throat before looking up at Nick, “It felt like forever before I could get through to you. Seeing you like that…so…gone…”

“Deacon,” Nick brought a hand up to smooth back D’s hair from his forehead, “I’m going to those Vet meetings, and I wouldn’t have even considered doing that if you hadn’t found it for me and convinced me to go. And you were right, it helps. Most of those guys have nightmares and shit.” He tilted his head and gave Deuce a pleading look. “Please, baby, I’m fine. Can we just have a nice week while I’ve got you?”

As if on cue Nick’s stomach rumbled loudly and Deuce laughed softly as he shook his head, “Fine. I’ll drop it for now so you can feed the beast, but-“

Nick quieted whatever was going to follow with a long slow kiss, not releasing Deuce until he was pliable in his arms.

“Now,” Nick smiled, licking his lips as he savored Deuce’s taste. “I’m ready for my meat on a stick before I have this stick of meat for dessert.” He reached between them to cup Deuce’s semi hard on through his jeans. God he loved how responsive D was, one kiss and he was raring to go.

“Keep that up and the dessert will come first.” Deuce’s smile was the most genuine one Nick had seen since before D had left for the youth center that afternoon.

Nick shook his head, “I need fuel to fuck you right.”

He released Deuce to go retrieve some dishes from the cabinet. Getting caught up while cooking or unpacking take out and fucking before dinner was a common occurrence for them, so hunger really wasn’t the issue. The truth was Nick wasn’t really sure he could get it up just yet. No matter what he said to Deuce, that dream, or flashback, or whatever the fuck it was, was still too fresh in his mind. A part of him still felt like he was lying on that desert floor awaiting capture and worrying about his best friend. The man he had loved at the time. It wasn’t anywhere near the love he and D shared, but still…and for some reason that made him envision what it would have been like of Deuce had been there. Jesus, that thought had his chest constricting. It was bad enough watching what those bastards did to Ty, having to do what they made him do to Ty, thinking every time Ty was dragged from the cell it would be the last time he’s see him, if it had been D…Nick’s throat suddenly felt tight as the back of his eyes burned with unshed tears. No, best not to think about that. Best not to think about any of it.

After dinner Nick got a shower to wash off the sweat and stink of fear before crawling naked into bed beside Deuce. They’d decided to call it an early night and Nick was thankful. After coming down from the endorphin rush his body felt like he’d just run a marathon. He had a text from Ty telling him to call if he needed to talk. Deuce fidgeted awkwardly next to Nick as he text back that he was fine and would call him tomorrow. Obviously D had given his brother a heads up. Nick’s first reaction was to be pissed, but he pushed it aside because he knew Deuce only did it because he thought Ty would be the only person Nick would open up to and he was worried about him. Damn, shrink thinking.  Nick tossed his phone back onto the end table as Deuce switched off the light and turned onto his side facing away from him. Nick spooned up behind D, kissing his shoulder.

“I’m really tired.” D said, and Nick leaned his chin on Deuce’s shoulder to try to peer around at his face. He could see the dim moonlight coming in from outside glinting off of Deuce’s open eyes. The rain had stopped, thank God, and the night sky had cleared but obviously the atmosphere in the Penthouse hadn’t. They’d watched TV while they ate, not talking much through dinner, but Nick thought Deuce was letting things go. Apparently not. Since when did they go to sleep without fucking?

“Are you mad at me?” Nick asked.

“Of course not,” Deuce sighed, “Just can’t shake the worry. Can’t stop picturing you…”

“D,” Nick cajoled, as he slid his hand down Deuce’s flank to his hip. “Stop. Just…stop. Let it go.” He slipped his hand around Deuce’s front and gently rubbed his fingers through the thin line of hair under his belly button, “I want you.”

“Sex isn’t the answer for everything, Nicky,” Deuce reprimanded, even as he leaned back into Nick.

“It may not be,” Nick answered as his hand slowly made its way down to Deuce’s cock. It wasn’t hard, but it wasn’t fully flaccid either. He loosely wrapped his hand around it and ran the pad of his thumb around the head causing it to immediately grow, “But I really need you to fuck me right now. Please, baby…” he softly glided his lips along D’s neck, than began to place small, wet kisses along it.

Deuce grunted, his hips involuntarily pushing forward into Nick’s attentive hand before easing his ass back against Nick’s own erection. “You suck.” He whispered.

“Mmm,” Nick smiled against his skin, “I’d be happy to.” He eased Deuce onto his back as he moved down the bed.

“That’s not what I…oh” Deuce’s sentence was cut off by a moan as Nick’s mouth slipped over the head of his cock. Nick suckled there, enjoying the taste before he took more of him in. “Fuck…” Deuce hissed as he drew his knees up and spread them.

Nick hummed around the cock in his mouth. He loved sucking Deuce off. Loved the feel, the taste, the sounds he could elicit from the man. At this point he knew exactly what D liked. How much attention to give his balls, when to go fast and when to slow it down; when to deep throat and when to just lap at the sensitive head. He could tell when to dip deeper to tease the delicate skin below his balls, and recently he’d enjoyed going lower to turn it into something else. He could bring Deuce to the edge quickly, or turn it into a slow torture. Or course Deuce knew Nick’s body just as well.

Nick licked Deuce’s balls now, nuzzling and sucking on them before taking his cock into his mouth all the way to the back of his throat. Deuce lifted his hips from the mattress to push up deeper and Nick swallowed him down.

“Oh, shit, baby…” Deuce uttered, his hands fisting in Nick’s hair as he fucked his mouth. Nick would have loved to feel the salty jet of come spill down his tongue but he really wanted to get fucked. No, he really needed to get fucked.

He pulled his head back until Deuce’s dick popped out causing D to let out a small whimper of disappointment. Nick slowly made his way up Deuce’s body with kisses, D’s hands still in his hair but more gently now. He took a nipple into his mouth, running his tongue along the circumference before nipping and sucking the hard bud. Deuce hissed and squirmed beneath him. He ground their hard on’s together as he kissed up to Deuce’s jaw before whispering “Fuck me.”

They kissed a few minutes, hands roaming until D rolled away from him to grab the lube. Nick turned onto his knees and pulled a pillow under his chest as he tilted his ass into the air, “No prep. Just fuck me.”

 “Are you sure?” Deuce asked.

“Yeah,” Nick nodded, his chin on the pillow.

The bed jostled as Deuce positioned himself and Nick heard his sharp intake of breath, as D’s hand slowly ran over his ass.  “Jesus Nicky, you’re so fucking sexy.”

Nick smiled and tilted his hips up father, unabashedly displaying himself. He bit his lip in anticipation when he felt Deuce’s cock press against his entrance before he paused there. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t, baby.” Nick guaranteed him, although Nick was sure he probably would. At first at least, but Nick didn’t care. He actually wanted to feel a little bit of pain right now. 

“Okay,” Deuce breathed before slowly pushing in. He had to stop and rock his cock against the tight muscles a few times so that they would loosen and allow more entry. Nick gripped the pillow and pushed back until their balls slapped together, forcing Deuce all the way in.

“Fuck!” Deuce gritted out and his grip on Nick’s hips tightened. Nick squeezed his eyes closed and buried his face into the pillow to prevent his own yell. It hurt. Too much, too soon and his body wasn’t quite ready. But it felt good. It woke Nick up to the present. Made him feel alive as gooseflesh popped up from the discomfort.

“Fuck me,” he ground out, reaching back to slap Deuce’s hip before grabbing it, “Come on, Deacon fuck me like you mean it.”

“I always mean it,” Deuce voice sounded too small, so Nick pressed back against him, fucking himself on his cock before D started to follow his rhythm.

“And you always do it so well,” Nick panted, “Make me come so fucking hard.”

Deuce’s breaths were harsh now as they moved together. “Love watching you come…”

“Oh yeah,” Nick licked his lips, the pillow fisted in both his hands now, “feels so fucking good.” And it did. The pain was subsiding and what remained was the pleasurable kind, and when Deuce redirected his thrusts to hit Nick’s sweet spot it was all good. “Oh yeah baby, right there.” Nick’s cock, which had gone down a bit from the initial onslaught, thickened, but it still didn’t feel like enough. “Harder….faster…”

Deuce picked up his cadence, their bodies slapping together punctuated by their moans and grunts. “Like that?”

“Yeah, that’s it…” Nick groaned, “Fuck me until I can’t walk.” Until I can’t remember anything but this. But you. But us. Nothing that happened before matters. Just us, and that I’m alive and whole and here with you. Not rotting in the desert after having to do unspeakable things to my best friend. Here, in Philadelphia, in this bed with the man I love buried so deep inside we’ve become one.

Nick’s balls drew up and he came shouting out Deacon’s name. His body shuttered as his legs slid out from under him no longer able to sustain his wait. He sprawled on his stomach as D pumped a few more times on top of him before he came as well. Nick loved the feeling of Deuce’s cock pumping inside of him, filling him up with his hot seed. Deuce lowered himself onto Nick, panting against his ear as they both caught their breath.

“Fuck Nick,” He said after a few minutes, “This aggressive therapy is a hell of a work out.”

Nick chuckled, “Beats the gym.”

Deuce nodded against his shoulder then placed a kiss there before rolling off. Nick closed his eyes, listening to the sound of D padding into the bathroom and the water running as he cleaned off. When he came back he cleaned Nick with a damp cloth and Nick smiled. The one who did the fucking usually did this for the other. It had become routine and it was nice. He and D had fallen into lots of little routines together, usually without Nick realizing it, but when he did it always warmed his heart. He’d never had that with anyone before and he really liked it. A lot.

“I suppose you want me to do your front too?” D asked when was done, and Nick slowly rolled over onto his back, grinning up at him. Deuce huffed and wiped Nick’s stomach and dick with a shake of his head, “You’ve become entirely too spoiled.”

Nick laughed, taking the wash cloth from him and tossing it as he pulled Deuce down on top of him, “It’s your own fault. You’ve turned me into a brat.”

“This is true,” D smiled down at him. Nick could see the worry still lingering in his eyes. He knew there were unspoken words and questions that D was struggling to hold at bay.

“Roll over Booboo, I’m lying in the wet spot.”

“Always making a mess,” Deuce sighed, shaking his head as he kissed Nick before complying with his request.

“Always your fault,” Nick quipped.

Deuce didn’t turn onto his side to be spooned like he usually did; instead he settled on his back and pulled Nick to him. Nick laid his head on D’s chest, wrapping an arm around his waist and snuggling closer to him. Deuce rested a hand on Nick’s forearm, and played with Nick’s hair with his other. Nick didn’t think he’d be able to sleep after what had happened earlier. Usually after a bad dream he was done for the day, afraid closing his eyes would take him back to that place, but he felt so safe in Deacon’s arms, and his body was sated, his eyes so heavy.

“I love you, Nicky.” Deuce whispered.

“I love you too, Deacon” Nick mumbled, his lips not wanting to cooperate. More than I could ever put into words, he wanted to add. That was his last thought before slipping into a peaceful dream.