Call of Confessions
Co-written by T!Nick and T!Deuce, as usual ;)
Nick was sitting on his couch in the dark, never bothering
to turn any lights on since he’d gotten home from the bar. He didn’t really
have a good time tonight, his mind was in Baltimore instead of on Dean. Finally
Nick excused himself, apologized profusely for not feeling well, and headed
home. He’d been sitting there for almost an hour, drinking scotch and gathering
his courage, before he sent Deacon that message to call him. His knee bounced
rapidly as he waited for his phone to ring. When it did a few minutes later
Nick slid his thumb across screen to answer.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he said in lieu
of hello, trying to keep his voice calm but knowing he sounded pissed.
Oh yeah, Nick had been drinking, Deuce could tell that from
just that first sentence. "Good evening to you too, Nick..."
Nick took in a deep breath through his nose. God damn it was
good to hear D's voice. Bastard. "It could have been if I didn't get a message
from my best friend calling me a piece if shit for going out on a date when I fucked. His. Brother! What the
fuck, D?!"
As glad as he was to hear Nick's voice, Deuce could tell
that he was pissed, and not just from the booze. "I didn't exactly tell
him... I just didn't deny it when he figured it out."
Nick took in another deep breath to try to calm himself,
"And how did he figure it out Deacon? What did you say?"
Deuce sighed softly as he flopped down in one of the chairs.
"Told him that I met someone when I was in Boston...someone special. Didn't
give any names, but he figured it out..."
Nick rubbed his eyes, "Jesus Christ D. Then what? You
all went out for ice cream? No warning? And what the fuck did you tell him, I
fucked you over or something?"
"No! No, I didn't tell him that! I would never tell him
that, Nick..." Deuce took a few minutes to compose himself as he tried to
get his thoughts straight. "I just told him that you and I got together
when we were in Boston... and that I fucked things up when I left."
"He acted like...like I was wrong for going out on a
date" Nick got up to go to the liquor cabinet to refill his tumbler with
scotch, "Meanwhile you’re fucking your girl, and posting about it!"
Deuce pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes as he sighed.
"You know how Ty is... I told him that I didn't regret what happened...
that you were different."
Nick snorted as he uttered quietly "Yeah, I'm
different..." Before letting out a sigh of his own, "Glad you don't
regret it D, but Jesus Christ did you have to out us like that for nothing?
What if Ty didn't take it as well as he did? What if I lost him just for a good
fuck?"
"He's my brother, Nick..! You know we don't keep shit
from one another! Not telling him was killing me!" Deuce shook his head
slightly as he leaned his elbows on the table. "And you're more than a
good fuck..."
"Yeah. Thanks. A
good fuck buddy than." Nick sat back down on the couch, "All I'm
saying is, it would have been nice if we discussed it first. I mean, I know I'm
an inconvenience to talk to since I remind you of the guilt you feel for
fucking around on your girl and all, but fuck.”
"Dammit, Nick, that's not what I meant either!"
"No? Because it sure as hell felt like that!" Nick
took a long swallow from his glass.
Deuce took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself
down." I told him I was falling for you."
Nick sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he leaned
back against the cushions, "Yeah? Thinking about me while your girl is
serving you coffee naked? I just...this is pointless. What's done is done.
"I really,
really fucked up Nick... and I'm sorry..."
Nick clenched his jaw as his stomach tightened. It would be
so easy to just accept D's apology so they could work things out, but Nick
didn't want to go down that road and end up with nothing. "It's done.
Whatever."
Deuce sighed softly as he leaned back, propping his legs up
on the table. He knew that Nick was hurt and upset and he understood, but it
still hurt that he was acting like this. "Nick, I..."
“Take care, alright D." Nick cut him off. He was on the
verge of saying things he didn't want to, revealing how hurt he was. "And the next time you want to do
something that could potentially affect one of the most important relationships
in my life? Give me a heads up, yeah?"
Deuce shook his head slightly, barely keeping himself from
saying something he would regret in the morning.
"This is Ty, you two have
been through hell together, he'd never fuck things up with you."
"You don't know that, D. You’re his little brother. If
he thought I fucked you up..." Nick shook his head, "If he had to choose, he'd choose you. I don't
have many healthy relationships in my life Deacon. I need him."
"And he needs you. When you weren't speaking after the
kiss and everything that happened, and he went from talking to you everyday to
not at all, he was calling me more than ever and going crazy ‘cause he wasn't
talking to you..."
"That's nice to hear but...it doesn't change the fact
that things could have gone differently tonight." Nick tipped back his
glass to empty it then got up for a refill.
Deuce could hear what Nick was doing, giving a soft sigh.
"Don't fill that glass back up, Nicky... please."
Nick laughed without humor, "What the fuck is the
difference, D? Really?"
"I'm worried about you, Nick..." Deuce leaned his
head back and closed his eyes. "I'm not worth all of this."
Nick snorted thinking, Yes,
yes you are. I care about you so much
I need to numb the pain. "Don't flatter yourself."
"So it's just coincidence that all this. damn drinking
started when I fucked things up..."
"Yup." Nick lied.
Deuce groaned as he rubbed his fingers through his hair, not
believing anything that Nick was telling him. "You suck at lying to
me."
"What do you want to hear Deacon!?" Nick yelled,
feeling vulnerable and backed into a corner. He really didn't like that
feeling, "That you crushed me when you choose Livi over me? That every day
you sounded like you were fine was like a stab to my heart? That I
haven't..." Nick cut himself off as his voice started to give out.
"I’m not fine, Nick!" Deuce took a breath before
finally confessing to him. "I can't stop thinking about you. Can't stop
day dreaming about Boston. I'm not sleeping... the circles under my eyes rival
yours right about now. God, Nicky, I'm so far from fine..."
"But you fucked Livi the other day?" Nick asked,
his voice calm. God it was good to hear D admit these things but
still..."And you’re still with her now?"
Deuce’s voice was soft as he nods his head slightly.
"For the moment, yeah... she's out of town until Wednesday."
"Then what you feel for me is irrelevant." Nick
said as he set his empty glass in the sink, never refilling it. "You need
to figure your shit out first."
"I swear, Nick...as soon as I see her, I'm telling her
it's over."
"Ok," Nick nodded as he leaned against the sink
and crossed his ankles, "I'm sure that's what you intend, until you see
her again and she cries or something."
"Please, just believe in me, Nick. I'm ending things.
She's not who I want to be with..."
"Well, when
things are done with her you should probably still take some time to figure
shit out. I mean up until two weeks ago you considered yourself straight. That's
a big adjustment." Nick said. And I don't want to get my hopes up just to
get let down.
"I have been thinking, Nick... and there's only one
thing I'm thinking about."
"Don't say it D. Not now..." Nick's heart was
pounding at what Deacon was implying. Fuck he wanted him so badly, but he
couldn't put his heart on the line while Deacon was still with his girl. Nick
needed to be sure that D was sure.
“I know, Nick. It's not fair for me to talk to you about all
of this when there's still someone else in the picture..."
Nick nodded and swallowed. "Yeah," he agreed quietly.
"Nick, I swear... just give me a few days."
"Take all of the time you need, Deacon. I'm not saying
I'm waiting...just" Nick closed his eyes and tossed his head back with a
sigh, "Just call me when you’re free and you’re sure. I mean I need you to
be one hundred and ten percent sure, yeah? You understand?"
Deuce nodded slightly, forgetting that Nick couldn't see
him. God, this would be so much easier in person... "I understand Nicky, I
do... I never meant to hurt you like this... I've felt like such an ass."
Nick sighed, "I get why you were confused, I
just...when it seemed like you didn't even give shit..."
"Of course I cared! I'm hurt that you thought I didn't.
But I do understand, and I do deserve it..."
"I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm just being
honest. When I'm sitting here alone...The first few days I thought for sure you
would call back but when you didn't… And then the shit you would post."
Nick walked around the salon making sure the door was locked and all of the
shades were pulled, "I don't know, D."
"I know you're hurting, Nick, and I know it's my fault.
I had to put on the happy face. For Livi, my patients, for my brother... if we
both started acting like that he would have figured it out even sooner...It was
just easier to keep the facade up than to let that mask slip."
"Yeah, I get that. But...were you planning on breaking
up with her before tonight?" Nick asked tentatively.
"Yeah, I was, actually..."
“Ok…”Nick smiled a little.
Right answer. "...ok."
"She's with a couple of friends and some wedding and
bridal thing and they're having a long girls weekend... but as soon as she gets
back, we're sitting down and having a talk that she's not going like... I'm
telling her everything"
Nick's smile grew, he'd thought the bridal thing was for
Livi, "I'm sure it’s been killing you not to."
Deuce could hear the smile in Nick's voice and it made him
smile. "It has been, yeah... but she deserves to know... and you deserve
someone that doesn't have a girl at home."
Nick blinked. Was this really going to happen? Were he and D
going to make something work? "You deserve to be happy too, ya know"
Deuce smiled at that, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Give
me a few days and I'm sure I finally will be."
Nick grinned, if D called him in a few days...but Nick’s
brain yelled at his heart not to get its hopes up. To be smart and take things
slow, even if Deacon was single.
"Well, good luck. I hope things work out like you want them to." Like I want them to.
"I hope so too... I guess I'll find out in a few days
if the person I want wants to give me a chance or not..." Find out if you want to give me a chance or
not...
"Hope she doesn't kill you so you have a chance to be
with that person." Nick couldn't help but laugh.
Deuce stifled a yawn as he hooked his glasses to the collar
of his t-shirt. "I'll have to keep the old bat nearby, just in case!"
"Yeah," Nick headed down to his cabin, "Well,
maybe we'll talk in a few days then, yeah?"
"I'll call you in few days... and with my luck, you'll
be at work and I'll be screwed!" Deuce laughed softly as he picked up his
own glass, pushing himself up out of the chair.
"I am covering a few shifts this week..." Nick
worried his lip, "But, we'll talk."
"Hey, even if I have to call your ass at six in the
morning, we're gonna talk..."
Nick laughed, "I won't be coherent."
Deuce laughed quietly as he let himself inside, making his
way toward the guest room trying to keep his voice down. "You'll wake up
eventually."
Nick slipped out of jeans and tee, tossing them in the
hamper, and climbed into bed without turning any lights on, "Eventually.
After I've said some crazy shit."
"Fuck..!" Deuce cursed through gritted teeth as
his shin cracked into the table in the hall. "Dammit, why does he have a
table here?!"
"The one in the hall? I've done that a million
times." Nick nodded in sympathy.
“Yes that one! He might come home one day and this table
will be gone." Finally Deuce made his way up to the spare room and closed
the door behind him. "Ah, made it mostly in one piece!"
Nick laughed, "To sleep on that fucking futon. Hate
that thing.”
"I think for Christmas, I'm buying him an actual bed
for this room.
"I'll chip in..." Nick cleared his throat. He didn't
mean it like that, but maybe they'd be able to give it as a couple by them.
"My bed is very comfy!" He smiled as he stretched.
"Oh, I remember..." Deuce grinned as he crawled
into bed. "Wait until I get you to Philly and you see my bed."
Nick smiled, liking that idea, but reminded himself again to
chill, "Just call me in a few days and we'll take it from there,
huh?"
Deuce smiled as he turned off the lamp on the table,
snuggling under the blankets. “I will... and we'll see what happens, yeah? Get
some sleep, Officer O'Flaherty."
"You too D. Sleep good."
"I'll call you in a few days, Nick."
"Ok, sounds good...Good night." Nick closed his
eyes, thinking maybe he’d actually get a good night sleep.
"Good night, Nicky..." Deuce hung up with a smile
on his face, looking down at the picture of him and Nick before it disappeared.
